The Conundrum of a Medium-Sized Drinking Problem (and What to Do About It)

First off, what exactly is a Medium-Sized Drinking Problem anyway? Is there such a thing?

Well, although it is a commonly accepted belief in our booze-soaked culture that any chronic drinking problem is by definition “alcoholism”, the truth is (as explained in this post not all drinking problems are created equal. The concept of Alcoholism (and by extension, the individual “Alcoholic”) derive from Alcoholics Anonymous philosophy which dates back to 1935. Amazingly, this single category of problem-drinking persisted for many decades, though the medical establishment now designates it as Alcohol Use Disorder.

Thankfully (as of 2013) modern medicine now recognizes three different levels of Alcohol Use Disorder: Mild, Moderate & Severe (although their means of distinguishing between these three categories lacks empirical measurement, such as how frequently you drink, how many drinks you consume per session etc).

**NOTE: If you are concerned about your own drinking levels, you can find out where you land on The Alcohol Drinker Spectrum HERE which I contend is a more precise means of assessing your drinking habit.

It should come as no surprise that our pro-alcohol society seeks to isolate drinking problems to a single extreme category. After all, society’s messaging around alcohol is conflicting to say the least. On the one hand, we are supposed to be able to consume this experience-enhancing elixir of life ad nauseum at virtually every social gathering, business event, holiday, vacation, wedding etc, while simultaneously NEVER succumbing to its addictive qualities.

But the truth is, problems with alcohol occur on a continuum: from the person who rarely drinks, but over-does it at a work party or wedding and wakes up with a skull-thumping hangover the next morning…to the highly seasoned drinker who after many years of escalating tolerance levels, greets their mornings with a cocktail in hand (followed by many more throughout the day).

For most of us, we will chalk up the occasional hangover to the nature of the beast, and normally blame ourselves for going overboard, rather than blaming the toxic beverage we consumed. Remember, alcohol is wonderful according to our social conditioning, and don’t you forget it. So if something bad happens, YOU get the blame, not the bad decision juice that caused it.

If you’ve ever seen the movie Idiocracy, there are many parallels to its depiction of a future society that blindly worships a miraculous liquid called “Brawndo.” They even try watering their crops with the stuff thanks to ubiquitous advertising-driven brainwashing that leads them to believe it is superior to ACTUAL WATER for sustaining their agriculture. “Brawndo has what plants crave!” they shout. Hilarity ensues as they become frustrated and puzzled when their crops begin mysteriously shriveling away courtesy of being irrigated with Brawndo!

I would submit that we harbor many equally absurd beliefs about alcohol in our modern culture. But I digress…

So, back to the phenomenon of a Medium-Sized Drinking Problem…

Most people who begin to suspect they may have a drinking problem are already consuming well beyond so-called “moderate” drinking levels (which is another hazy concept, as every country’s public health officials establish their own guidelines, and there are fairly wide variances among them).

In the U.S., moderate drinking guidelines (linked HERE) consist of:

• Women:
  • Up to 1 drink per day
  • Up to 7 max per week
  • No more than 3 drinks in a single session (exceeding 3 is considered a “binge” episode

• Men:
  • Up to 2 drinks per day
  • Up to 14 max per week
  • No more than 4 drinks in a single session

In reality, although we all vary in our biological and hereditary capacities to metabolize alcohol, chances are if you are consistently consuming 15, 20 or 30+ drinks per week, you are likely to encounter some negative side-effects, despite this consumption level still registering far below that of the most extreme problem drinkers out there who often consume 10 to 20 drinks PER DAY.

To put this in context, there are thousands of adults who polish off one entire bottle of wine every night (the equivalent of 5 standard drinks). Multiplied across their week, that totals 35 drinks. Yet many of these folks have been doing this for years and still seemingly “function” as they hold down a job, tend to their marriage, raise children etc.

If you’ve been drinking at this elevated level for many years now, you may have become so used to operating at a diminished capacity thanks to your habit, that the side-effects can seem like simply just another part of the aging process.

But rest assured, the domino effects created by a steady diet of this liquid carcinogen will manifest themselves negatively in your life, whether it is blatantly obvious or not. Compromised sleep quality, reduced energy levels (physical and mental), skewed hormone profiles and in some cases low level depression and anxiety are all common side effects that can be hard to spot if they’ve slowly sneaked up on you over the years.

Chance are, if saddled with a robust drinking habit, you are not showing up as the best version of yourself with this ball-and-chain attached to your ankle. And we haven’t even touched on how it alters your personality (sorry, no not for the better) and potentially harms your marriage or other close relationships over time, limits your professional growth capacity and sucks up so much time and head-space that those hobbies or goals you’ve always dreamed about just always seem a bit out of reach.

Having lived through this process myself, and now working as an Alcohol Freedom Coach helping others who have found themselves in this same predicament, it can be a real conundrum (okay there are actually about 4 conundrums) built-in to this situation – what I refer to as Middle-of-the-Road Drinking:

Conundrum #1

You haven’t detonated your life or your reputation yet due to your drinking, and nobody has confronted you with an ultimatum to stop…so it must be okay to maintain this pace of drinking.

No, no and no. Seriously. As much as this problem can play games with your head, this pattern of thinking can be literally deadly. Like every other problem in life, it is best to intervene early. And yet this goes directly against our human nature, which seeks to remain in the known zone of comfort and familiarity, even if that comfort zone is harming us.

This situation calls for emotional maturity and a willingness to look out for yourself, but also to protect everything you have sacrificed to build in your life…your family, your career, your finances, your reputation and ultimately, your legacy. A substantial drinking habit puts ALL OF THESE in jeopardy.

If your brain’s pleasure center has grown accustomed to what it perceives as its reward in the form of unhealthy quantities of booze, rest assured it is only interested in keeping that party train rolling, regardless of whether it destroys the rest of your body, or your marriage, your career or even worse, lands you behind bars with possibly someone having been injured or killed.

So if any of this resonates with you…the time for action is NOW.

Conundrum #2

You are afraid to embrace any form of corrective action about your drinking out of embarrassment, possibly having to wear unflattering labels, and fear that others might find out and think less of you.

Boy can I relate to these. It took years of wrestling with my own drinking habit in a constant state of cognitive dissonance before I could even admit to MYSELF that I might have a problem, let alone admit it to anyone else.

Sadly, we have created an inaccurate and unfair stigma about what a “problem with alcohol” looks like, which can cause us to feel ashamed of how our habit has progressed. Whereas people might have more compassion if you got hooked on a socially unacceptable drug like cocaine (or even cigarettes nowadays)…because booze is socially celebrated all around us…it is implied that we should be able to continuously partake without ever becoming addicted.

NEWSFLASH: alcohol is “a psychoactive substance with dependence-producing properties” (not my definition, it comes straight from the World Health Organization).

What do you think is likely to happen if you consume a psychoactive dependence-producing substance on a regular basis year after year (while by definition increasing your tolerance to its effects, thus creating the need for escalating doses to deliver the same effects)?

If you were to become overly-fond of the stuff, would that make you abnormal? Absolutely not! In point of fact, it would actually mean you are perfectly normal, and your body and mind are adapting in a completely predictable manner. Just as if you consume too many calories, you will (not surprisingly) gain bodyfat. 1+1 = 2.

So…if you’ve become overly fond of alcohol, and eventually arrive to a place mentally where you feel like you “need” it rather than just “wanting” it occasionally…you are not to blame. If you want to place blame, blame the intrinsic nature of the drug itself, and the culture who taught you since birth that this personality-warping potion is actually a wonderful treat.

Conundrum #3

You can usually point to someone else who drinks more than you do. If that person doesn’t “seem” like they have a problem, then clearly YOU don’t have one either right?

Chances are, if alcohol plays a large role in your routine and your social life, you often hang out with other avid drinkers. Birds of a feather flock together. Some of them, in fact, may drink WAY more than you do. This can cause you to question whether there is any validity to your concerns about your own drinking, especially if you’ve not (yet) encountered any life-altering “Rock Bottom” consequences. In a way it offers you an excuse to maintain your current course, since you’re not drinking quite as much as your drinking buddies.

But what constitutes too much drinking for someone else has little to do with your own consumption level, and how it is affecting YOUR mind, YOUR body and YOUR life. Too much for you is simply too much for YOU.

And by the way, people who are NOT drinking too much don’t ever wonder if they are. Pause and let that thought sink in for a moment…

So, if you are questioning your drinking…there is a good reason.

And while the momentum of your routine and subconscious thinking would prefer not to make any changes…if you’re hearing a faint voice inside that wonders if you have gone too far…consider that a blessing, but also a warning that a healthy intervention is in order.

Conundrum #4

If your drinking problem isn’t yet at a devastating level, where exactly do you seek help if you do not identify with the “Alcoholic” label and traditionally proscribed solutions (such as AA or Rehab)?

While I have nothing but respect for AA and traditional Rehabilitation programs, they tend to cater to those with what I would consider a 9 or 10 out of 10 level drinking problem on The Alcohol Drinker Spectrum. But what if you are only at a level 6 or 7 like I was? Or perhaps a really conscientious person who is at a 5 and wants to get off of the drinking bus, but can’t seem to make it stick all on their own?

Quite frankly, this conundrum is what fueled my desire to research and ultimately build an alternative approach to helping people stamp out a burgeoning drinking problem in their lives before it grows from a campfire into a forest fire.

In fairness, my approach is not the only one out there, nor the only good one. Thankfully with advancements in technology, information sharing and confidential communication across the globe are now easier than ever.

There are several reputable DIY, Group-Based and Coach-Led programs out there, and they are not limited to the extreme drinker. And as much as I strongly endorse the Sobermentum program and methods, at the end of the day…I want you to get the help you need wherever you are most comfortable doing so.

Along those lines, if you are questioning your own drinking (and congratulations for having the courage to do so) I’d suggest considering 1 or more of the following 4 paths forward if you would like to reign in this part of your life…

1. Take a break from drinking, preferably 90 days or more. If you really want to be a rockstar, shoot for one year. Afterall, it likely took you many years to get here. It will take more time than you might think to fully reset. And that is why I don’t suggest doing just a “Dry January” or a “Sober October” (although those can be great launching points for your first month). If the thought of taking that much time off from your habit scares the hell out of you…that is probably all the evidence you need that this is precisely the best course of action for you.

30-Days alone is nowhere near enough time to create the kind of mind shift away from drinking that is required for you to gain true and complete freedom from alcohol’s gravitational pull. Only when you have broken free of that pull can you truly assess whether you want it in your life again or not. But when it is still influencing your neurochemistry (first few weeks) and your psychology (likely for several months thereafter) you aren’t in a fair fight on thinking the matter through. It’s sort of like how you might need some time and distance from a relationship partner if things have gotten ugly.

During this break from your drinking, you will want to bolster your resolve with daily intake of pro-sobriety blogs, books, audiobooks, podcasts, YouTube channels etc. You don’t need to do all of them, just pick some that resonate with you and stick with them religiously. Every.single.day. We swim in a pro-alcohol culture, and your mind is already predisposed to see drinking in a favorable light, along with your daily and weekly routine that used to involve regular boozing. So you will need to counter that with an aggressive re-programming effort.

2.  If you’ve already tried taking a break (or several) and failed to achieve your targeted duration every time, then consider doing a guided break that has a more structured system for you to follow, and a specific curriculum of information to consume as you travel down this new path. You spent a long time conditioning your mind (both physiologically and psychologically) into a drinking lifestyle…so now is the time to do some active de-conditioning. Yes this will involve devoting a chunk of time out of your day toward consuming pro-sobriety information and insights, and will indeed represent a disruption to your routine. But just like beginning a new exercise regimen…in the beginning it might feel weird, but eventually you will begin reaping the benefits and will feel both sober momentum and confidence that you can do this.

3.  Consider adding an element of accountability via an in-person group with your church or an online forum or other venue. This does not need to be Alcoholic’s Anonymous meetings, although if you’re open to it, from what I hear they are wonderfully supportive people. Your mileage may vary. But in the end, you are looking to establish some manner of both accountability and camaraderie amongst like-mind folks who can relate to what you’re experiencing in a supportive, non-judgmental way.

4.  Consider hiring a Coach or Counselor to add accountability, and also help you see your drinking thoughts/patterns from an outside perspective. Stepping away from alcohol can be an intense mind-bender, especially in the beginning. Your brain will make every effort imaginable to trick you into saying “the Hell with this break from drinking crap!” Those moments when you are tempted to throw in the towel and give up because you had a bad day, or feel like this is too hard, or if cravings get really intense…those are the days when that Coach in your ear can make all the difference in the world in helping you calm down, remember why you chose this path, and ultimately help you get stronger and stronger each day.

Many people can travel this path alone and do so successfully. Others can make great progress via a guided program, and still others do best with some outside support from peers or a Coach (or both). There is no one-size fits all approach, and you as an individual are unique in where you begin this journey, and what else is happening in your life at the time etc. As long as you are able to stay on track, the means are less important than the results. As the old saying goes, “principles are few, but methods are many.”

 So if you’ve been questioning your drinking, rest assured that voice of concern is looking out for you. You have some decisions to make. Even if your drinking is not so out of control that it is wrecking your life and causing concern from your loved ones…if YOU have already recognized there is a problem, you do not need to wait. Yes, human nature is given to waiting until a problem becomes unavoidable. But why take that risk?

In my own drinking journey, and in the routine conversations I have with my Coaching clients, I see a very clear pattern. And that is this: your relationship with alcohol generally moves in one direction, and one direction only. And that direction is toward MORE. More quantity, more frequency, more tolerance and therefore more consequences.

So if this issue is already on your radar, taking action now might save your life, or someone else’s (worst case) or perhaps just permit you to get this part of your life in check so you can live the rest of your life to the maximum and show up as a better version of yourself for your life, your loved ones and everything that matters to you most.

If you're drinking more than you'd like to, today is the best day to begin taking control...

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